Prem
The late 90’s. As the afternoon drew to a close the cyclone warnings came alive. The wind howled like a banshee. With Sid stuck at work and unable to get home, it was not pleasant to be alone in the gathering noisy gloom.
Prem called to check on us. Once he knew Sid was safe at the factory, he insisted I go to them for the evening rather than stay alone. He stopped on his way home and picked me up. A scant few minutes of driving, we found most roads blocked by fallen trees. As we crossed Gigi’s school he slowed down. Neither of us really remember why. After all, I had seen that building numerous times. He said something like “look inside” – perhaps it was the Christmas decorations he wanted me to notice. Picking up speed, a split second later he slammed the brakes. A massive old tree came crashing down – the branches brushing the bonnet of the car. If he had not slowed down at the school gate, we’d have been crushed. Ever since he has said to me and others “we lived that day for a reason. We yet have something to do on Earth”. And I agree – wholeheartedly.
That is one memory. There are others. So many others.
“Kya peeyogi aaj” – what will you drink today? Every evening we have ever spent together at their home, we have been asked this question. For more than a quarter of a century. Often I replied, “kuch nahin” – nothing. Till one day he queried “are you sure?” Surprised, I assured him I was. And he hands me a bottle of whiskey called “Kuch Nahin”! The joke was repeated as recently as Christmas 2019!
I had once expressed a wish to visit the ruins of the Alhambara fort. For some reason I do not remember, the two of us were driving down from Madras and he suddenly turned off the road. “You have always wanted to see this place. Let’s do it today”. That hour of clambering around was magical.
Prem has ferried me around Pondicherry on his Scooty. I’ve been his companion when he wants to go buy beer, bread or bananas! He has taken me clothes shopping, gift shopping, grocery shopping. Simply because. And Gigi, always, always gives me that beautiful smile, sometimes a list and an “enjoy yourself”. Once in a while she joins us, often she leaves it to us. And when we come back – the table is laid, the most appetising aromas are wafting from her kitchen and she is sitting, relaxed, as if a Genie has waved a wand and done all the work for her!
Together, the four of us have explored plant nurseries and new restaurants. We have picnicked on beaches and pottered around handicraft exhibitions.We have done long drives across the country for a few holidays.
Gigi and Prem are the people who re-kindled in me the joy of celebrating Christmas. She makes the most delicious Christmas cakes with her own unique recipe. The special ingredients, of course, are the fruits soaked in rum a few weeks to a couple months before it is baked. I remember, one year, Prem was travelling. Gigi could find no rum in his stash. So we pretty much emptied everything that had a “few drops” at the bottom into the fruit bowl. It was the best cake ever! And Prem complained unceasingly about his precious hoard being raided by unappreciative women – until he bit into that cake!
Travelling the world as part of his job, he would get me Christmas decorations for my tree just the same as for Gigi. And those decorations are some of my most prized possessions – set out each year since he gave them to me.
He would return from his trips abroad and enthral us with his experiences. He would tell us all about the people he met and made friends with. Often we have teased him about his numerous “girlfriends” whom he kept in touch with regularly. His daily forwards of philosophy and jokes often got my inbox full and I have told him “stop! Let me get back to wifi coverage before you spam my inbox again!” I have hundreds – no, thousands – of unread messages that will keep me occupied for years to come.
We have had innumerable arguments over petty issues. Our squabbles always end with his saying “Let us agree to disagree”! Those make for special memories too. It is also a life lesson.
Prem has taught us the joy in being extra particular while cooking – especially a signature dish. He has taught us to appreciate the difference in flavour between chopping an ingredient and grinding it to a paste. We have in our collection some of those classic recipes of his. He’s shared his most special wines and liqueurs with us. We have spent many happy hours around their kitchen and dining tables. We have sat together evening after evening, glass in hand – mine often containing water or juice! – listening to old Hindi film songs on his prized “WorldSpace”.
Those same wonderful songs played on his and our car audio systems. He would sing along – as we drove – the melody perfect and the words gibberish! Another standing joke. Prem will sing whatever word comes into his head at that moment to that tune. And his invariable answer to our admonitions, “You recognise the song, don’t you”?
Once, for three whole months, I lived with them – when Sid was transferred out of Pondicherry and I wanted to make that one last Tanjore Painting. Four times a day he would drop me and pick me up, six days a week. That alone ensured I had a wonderful home-cooked lunch everyday, a short rest and lots of happy evenings together. And a painting.
After we moved away, he has never let us feel that we have left Pondicherry behind.
I have lost count of the number of times I’ve asked him to buy me all my favourite handicrafts from this store or that – bed linen, marbled silk, candles, incense, hand made paper, perfume, medicated oils – he’s bought and couriered all these to me.
Visiting Pondicherry has always felt like going home. Sometimes we have stayed with them. Sometimes at a hotel around the corner. But it is always their home that has been the centre of our activity.
Prem has teased me mercilessly about being robbed by the “outrageous” prices at FabIndia – “daylight robbery!” And yet he has taken me to shop there every single time.
He calls the manager of an old haunt of ours – Hotel Surguru – and asks them to ensure that my favourite “khaara kozhamb” is on the menu for lunch. Every single time we visit.
Gigi and Prem are the heart of our attachment to this little town where we began and grew our marriage. They have patiently listened to us whine, cry, laugh, given us advice and often administered the much-needed kick. These two people and their wonderful son are what decades of our happy memories are made of.
They have been our friends, our companions, our family – sister and brother, surrogate parents. There is no one word I know of that describes our relationship.
Perhaps my most special memory is of Prem telling me – in the early days of our marriage when Kunal was still a baby – “Have a daughter just like you and Kunal can marry her”. Not once did I doubt that the daughter would be blissfully happy and blessed in their home. Some things are not meant to be. That daughter never happened.
And today. Today Prem has finally decided that his purpose on earth is served. I am left to complete my part of that long-standing unfinished job the tree spared us for.
All of us whose lives you touched, will miss you, Prem. Yet, you will be an integral part of each of us. Always. As you said to us, the last time we met “Ciao!”
saddened to hear about Prem’s demise. He was so full of life. I remember the Christmas celebrations we had in Bangalore in 2004. The lovely christmas cake that Gigi had made, the sangrias kept flowing and there was Prem in his inimical style dressed as Santa and bringing in all the cheer. I also remember the dumb charades that happened and Prem’s charade for “Back to the Future”. It was hilarious. I also had the privilege to look them up in Pondicherry when I visited Swati and Siddharth. A beautiful heritage house and a wonderful host Prem and Gigi were. Sad that you are gone Prem! Rest in Peace my friend. Wishing Gigi and the family the strength to bear this loss!
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Thank you Saurabh. Yes that year was special indeed!
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How beautifully he is alive in this post.
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Thank you Sangeeta.
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Moving tribute, Honey. I had the fortune of enjoying Prem’s and Gigi’s warm hospitality on a couple of occasions, and it was time happily spent with them. More important, I owe Prem my deepest gratitude for he was there, standing beside me and reassuring me when my (then) little one had an unfortunate mishap and had to be rushed to a doctor. Prem’s presence helped me more than words can convey. His warmth and jovial presence lit up any room. Honey and Siddharth, I know what he meant to you both. Stay strong. My prayers that Gigi and Kunal find the strength to deal with this irreplaceable loss.
RIP, Prem!
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Thank you. Yes it’s just like how they have been with us through so much.
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Beautiful eulogy! He has left behind many memories and has made a mark in the hearts of all of you. Wishing you all peace during these tough times. His purpose was to have a meaning in all the lives he touched!
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Thank you.
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The power of your writing has brought tears to my eyes. Felt like I knew them all. A void is a void. But then there are tgese beautiful memories to hold onto…
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That is true. We have many many happy memories. We will build more, God willing, with Gigi & Kunal.
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Even though I did not know Prem, you have provided a vivid and heartfelt portrait of him that I can readily appreciate. What a wonderful soul and a testimony to the enduring and universal beauty of friendship. Thank you, Swati.
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Thank you Marilyn.
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Very sorry for your loss, Swati! You’ve penned him a beautiful farewell! Your words about him show what a great friend and awesome human being he must have been!
I’m sure everybody who has ever known him will keep him alive through the beautiful memories of their time with him.
No words can offer any comfort at the loss of such a beautiful soul. Just my prayers for strength to you, Siddharth, Gigi and Kunal and everybody whose lives he has touched. Am sure everybody is going to miss him big time.
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Thank you. Yes we will all miss him. And yet he will be alive with us in almost all our daily lives.
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Omg! That tribute brought tears to my eyes. Your writing just flows.
My heart aches for you. But it’s wonderful that you had the companionship of such a wonderful person.
Take care and stay strong
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Thank you, Vaishali.
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I have known him for a very short time but feel like I have known him for years. Thinking of Prem brings me a smile because he always made me laugh. He was jolly, warm, welcoming, funny all rolled into one. I am so grateful that Srinath and I managed to spend a few days with him and GG. Lovely memories of eating (of course GG fed us too much), shopping but most importantly just sitting around the house, talking and relaxing. I had the same lecture about FabIndia! His purpose was to make everyone else around him happy. He served it so well! We will miss him.
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And, Vimala, that is a beautiful tribute to a wonderful human being!
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Such a sweet tribute 🙏. The world is emptied of yet another noble soul. May his soul RIP 🙏
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Thank you. What he gave the world – the world is richer for it.
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Beautiful writing and warm friendship.It would have been good if you had added a picture of Mr.Prem.Really sad to hear your good friend passed on.We pray for his atma.
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Thank you. I don’t normally like to put personal photographs on social media.
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Lovely writing and memories
Sent from my iPhone
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Thank you, David.
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This is a beautiful heart touching tribute Swati. The last line is profound and I agree we are here for a reason and people like Prem give us reminders through their lives of all the ‘things’ that we need to unforgettably do.
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Thank you Sheetal. Yes, you are right. Perhaps it’s not that one big act. Perhaps it’s that daily dose and of cheer that he used to spread far and wide. It’s a thought to ponder.
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Such a heartfelt account of a life well lived. Wish I had met.him yet feel I have through your writing❤️ RIP Prem.
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Thank you, Reshmi.
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Dearest Honey …I can understand your loss …I have never met Prem but we were like penpals in the beginning via email and with the advent of Facebook..became FB pals …I remember his emails he would religiously send atleast 2 a day carrying so much information…and once on FB I actually got to see how he looked …he would share so much about what was happening in Pondy ..I was like I have been there and seen it. ..will miss his warmth and friendly smile..which permeated all mediums ..I am sure knowing him he must be spreading so much love and laughter in heaven too…❤️❤️
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Thank you. Yes he would tell me occasionally that he had been in touch with you. I’m glad Santosh got to meet them!
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What a lovely tribute. And while I read it I could picture Prem uncle speaking those words in his characteristic style. My childhood was centered around Chitra aunty and Prem uncle’s house, and I can’t imagine Pondy without Prem uncle. Every visit back to Pondy, I’ve either run into him somewhere or visited him. My deepest condolences to Gigi aunty and Kunal, God give them strength and peace.
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Thank you Aparna.
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Wish we all had friends like Prem.
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They are special folk.
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So sorry for your loss Swati. What a beautiful tribute. You are fortunate to have met such wonderful souls. May your friend find Sadgati. Om Shanti 🙏
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Thank you. Indeed we are fortunate!
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So sorry to hear this, Honey. While I have never met him, I have heard you mention his name, every time you spoke about Pondy. A huge loss. May his soul rest in peace. And, may his family be strong in these difficult times.
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Thank you. It is indeed an irreparable loss in all our lives.
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A precious friendship which had to come to an end one day. That doesn’t make it any less painful. Remember the line from Umrao Jaan – Har mulaqaat ka anjaam judaai kyun hain?
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Yes. That is so true. Every meeting has a parting.
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I’ve known him for a brief time. He was a perfect gentleman. Lively & Jovial person. I remember he took the time to call me just to say – he saw my bags being displayed at a premium store in South Africa and was so happy to see Pondy bags there. Sending love and prayers to family.
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I remember him telling me that!
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In reading this post, I’m feeling like I actually met this friend of yours, Swati .. what a fine person and a treasured friendship! Please accept my heartfelt condolences
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Thank you.
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Lovely tribute, Swati – I am sure Prem must be keeping the Gods very happy and cared for.
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Thank you. Yes – he’s probably offering them “Kuch Nahin” or teaching them how to make “Paav bhaji”!
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Ah
Just precious
What you wrote
Touched!
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Thank you. He will always be precious to us.
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